Armenian Martyrs Day, 2011

"I should like to see any power of the world destroy this race, this small tribe of unimportant people, whose history is ended, whose wars have all been fought and lost, whose structures have crumbled, whose literature is unread, whose music is unheard, whose prayers are no longer uttered. Go ahead, destroy this race. Let us say that it is again 1915. There is war in the world. Destroy Armenia. See if you can do it. Send them from their homes into the desert. Let them have neither bread nor water. Burn their houses and their churches. See if the race will not live again when two of them meet in a beer parlor, twenty years after, and laugh, and speak in their tongue. Go ahead, see if you can do anything about it. See if you can stop them from mocking the big ideas of the world, you sons of bitches, a couple of Armenians talking in the world, go ahead and try to destroy them....for when two of them meet anywhere in the world, see if they will not create a new Armenia!" ~ William Saroyan, The Armenian and the Armenian

Is This Thing On?

Having not written in months, I sit here somewhat shy and tentative. There are changes afoot. Great changes.

I am poised to reenter the working world, five and a half years after leaving to raise my daughter. I had my first legal job at age 15, a job I kept for three years. I moved out of my mother's house at 17 and had been supporting myself ever since. The transition from working, independent woman to stay-at-home-mom was not a smooth one. I don't think I ever really adjusted to it. I'm not very good at letting others "take care of me." My partner is an unsung saint.

On Friday I had my first "official" interview in 16 years. It felt huge. I walked out excited and slightly manic, bristling with energy that felt almost electric. I am excited and also fearful, that after so many years, I have gotten out of the habit of daily work, but also eager to feel like I am making an impact in the world.

Here I am, intending to write about something else and this topic snakes its way in, while I have no time to really explore it and so much more to ruminate and write on. So I set it aside, for an unnamed later date, that hopefully I will be able to revisit and explore more thoroughly.

“When you're 50 you start thinking about things you haven't thought about before. I used to think getting old was about vanity -- but actually it's about losing people you love. Getting wrinkles is trivial.” ~ Joyce Carol Oates

This quote was passed on by my friend Sylvia and it resonates for me today. While I am not yet 50, it rings true on the eve of 45 just as much.

Today I am going to a memorial for an amazing man who lost a battle to cancer. Another friend battles leukemia nearby. My sister has just had surgery with unforeseen complications in another state and I feel helpless here. I am recovering from pneumonia and the weeks I have been ill and the slow recuperation have only succeeded in mirroring my own mortality.

Our bodies are one-use-only units. Life is precious and we take it for granted.

In forty minutes I leave for Tomales and the memorial. A shower beckons. More soon...I hope.

I Found A Stick!

Mojo took the Minion to see The Princess and the Frog for the fourth time yesterday. Most little girls identify with the heroines of these movies. But my kid? Has been going around all day pretending to be Louis, the jazz trumpeting alligator.

Candlemas

If Candlemas Day is clear and bright
winter will have another bite.
If Candlemas Day brings cloud and rain,
winter is gone and will not come again.

New Photo

After almost four years, I realized it was time for a new profile photo. This was taken last night with the fabulous Hipstamatic for iPhone.

Christmas Morning

Sneaking downstairs while everyone sleeps, just to see the tree alight, the packages wrapped and piled around its base, the "fireplace" we made from cardboard boxes and construction paper.

Last night I read Clement Moore's poem and the passage describing Christmas at Fezziwig's from Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol" to the excited kids (and the cat) while the smiling face of their father encouraged me on.

As Peggotty, I say this every morning at Tableau, before we open the Dickens Fair proper. This morning, the words ring truer than before: "This will be the best Christmas ever!"

Yuletide blessings to all.

Changes

After having successfully completely every NaBloPoMo since its inception (okay, three) I have to accept the fact that I have too much going on with my life right now to commit to blogging everyday this month. This is harder than it seems.

Today I am getting my hair cropped after not having done anything with it for six years. I'm nervous and excited all at once.

Here's the "before" photo (taken last June)