Sunday night and it is blissfully quiet. There is not much traffic outside. The baby is held fast in Morpheus' loving arms and Monkey Boi is at one with his Gameboy. Mojo is at his normal Sunday night gaming evening, getting his geek on. And me? I'm bloody exhausted! There is so much to do that I indulge in the mental equivalent of standing in one place and spinning round and round until I fall down where I am, overwhelmed by the dizzying enormity of it all.
I want to write about our trip to Santa Cruz to be with my cousins. Of having reached a place within myself and with Monkey Boi where I am actually enjoying his company and we are getting along *really* well. Then I glanced at the calendar tonight and realized that he goes home to Ohio in two and a half weeks and became overwhelmingly sad.
I want to write about the ongoing dreams that haunt and sometimes torment me at night. And how I will occasionally have a grandmother walk through them to set things aright if I get too upset.
How I noticed tonight that Arabis has three new teeth that have just poked their way through her bottom gum. The child now has 11 teeth. All grown in the last five months. Nine of them in the last three.
I composed journal entries in my head as I watched her playing with her cousins in Santa Cruz. She is officially a toddler, walking confidently in the world. I would let her wander around the balcony, among the safety of the 20 or so relatives scattered about, her small form receding in the distance as she explored, not looking back to see where I was. Then she would suddenly be there, throwing her arms around me as best she could and burying her head in my lap, grinning her goofy smile at me before wandering off to play again.
She is talking and signing more and more. Today she even climbed the entire staircase to the sleeping loft, all 16 steep stairs (I was right behind her the entire way, of course). Up to now, she's only gotten about half-way up.
She loves to play in the cats' water dishes. The swimming pool at the motel was an unheard of treat. We didn't get to the beach, unfortunately, as it was too cold.
And the 200 photos on my camera! All need to be downloaded and sorted. Then the gems of the lot must be edited in Photoshop for uploading onto Flickr, to subject...er...treat you all to a photo montage of our trip.
How to write about my family? To find time to transcribe Auntie Mim's tapes and find my research notes (Mojo moved all that stuff somewhere).
How do I do all this and the dishes? Take out the garbage? The laundry? How do I be a mother and run a household and still be a woman and a writer?
Where is the time to be me?